Pardon my French above, monsieur. One of our first discussions in my Creative Writing class about what defines ‘good’ writing inevitably finds its way to a tangent about swearing in writing. My answer is always some version of the same. “If every fiber of that character you created screams that he or she would drop an F-bomb … Continue reading »
One Year Reflections (part 1)
This is my husband’s favorite photo of me. Not that one where I just so happened to get my hair cut earlier that day. Or that one where the angle of my face helps me look a few pounds thinner. And not those pictures we spent a few grand on for our wedding, either. This … Continue reading »
Menopause Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Make Jokes about Hot Flashes
One might say there’s nothing funny about a 28-year-old going through menopause. Or, one could be honest and say it’s not funny, it’s freakin’ hilarious. I just finished three rounds of my current cancer treatment, Lupron shots, which has caused me to go into early menopause. Temporarily (I’m told.) Little did I know that mother-daughter … Continue reading »
The Waiting Game
“I can understand nine words in that book now.” –Billy Madison, on reading A Tale of Two Cities, or, how Jaclyn feels reading pathology reports
The last couple weeks have been a sort of purgatory. But not in the morbid way. Like the cheesy movie where the character doesn’t know he or she is no longer with the living and thus continues with his or her happy existence. There have been many blissful moments where I forget I’m sick, which feels like the wrong word choice. I’m not sick in way way I’ve ever defined it. I’m not bed ridden. I got clearance to drive this week. And this weather?!? It’s a narcotic for the soul!
But still, a bit of a cloud looms. Three pathology reports and a chromosomal analysis are in my hands. All make me wish I’d paid more attention in biology. From what I (and my ability to Google) gather, two of the three reports agree that it’s endometrial sarcoma. That’s good in cancer world, potentially not so good in mommy world. But like I told my gynecologist as I point to the collage of babies he’s delivered hung on his office walls, “I”m putting a half Asian baby up there if it kills me.”
The chromosome report is filled with little squiggles that look like Rorschach ink blots to me. Fine print indicates that in endometrial sarcoma, chromosome a and chromosome b tend to translocate. For me, chromosomes x and chromosomes y translocated. Hmm. This nagging feeling I’d been having increased. I’d already told James, “You know, I can’t help but shake this feeling that this isn’t actually what I have.”
Don’t even get me started on my gut feelings. Stop feeling comfortable driving 2 days before a major accident, passed out cold the morning of my father’s death, 8 hours before I received the news. And many other examples, but I’ll spare you.
Adventures in pathology
The heavyweight match-up: Science versus the jellyfish-esque material pulled from my abdomen Round 1 winner: Alexian Brothers pathology and their network counterparts deem substance is a form of Ewing’s sarcoma, but affecting my connective tissues, not bones Round 2 winner: Pathologists at Johns Hopkins see elevated levels of estrogen and progesterone markers and rule endometrial sarcoma … Continue reading »
A letter to John Green, author
John Green is the author of The Fault in Our Stars, the book I began reading while in the hospital after my surgery. As I continued to read, real life and fiction became entangled as I found myself diagnosed with the very disease the main characters were fighting. Below is a copy of my letter … Continue reading »
